Wish I were stronger

I've never been athletic. Not even coordinated, really. I've been known to actually run into walls, as if I've forgotten where I placed my limbs or just how much clearance there is around, say, my head. But where I can really feel out of control sometimes is with my emotions, those traitorous things. In that department, I seem to have run into a different sort of wall today. See, I knew going into today's appointment that I couldn't allow those false expectations to rule. And I knew that regardless of the news, my Everlasting God is still in perfect control.
Yet, after hearing disappointing news yet again (further growth delays, blood flow problems, etc), I feel beaten down and discouraged. Because even though the doctor can say I should be prepared for a range of outcomes, including that little Kendra may not make it, I can't bring myself to "prepare" for such a thing. How does one do that? How do you steel your emotions and prepare for such a loss, and who would do such a thing when all every mama-to-be dreams of is holding their precious ones in their arms and playing with them and watching them grow? How do you nod and respond and take it all in as if your heart isn't crumbling?
So I'm at this wall, and I know there's a way around it, but I keep hitting my head - or is it my heart - on something every time I try to move ahead. I want to be confident and cheerful and strong, but I'm finding I am oh so weak. I know in my head that God is bigger than all of this. I just wish I could convince the rest of me. Lord, be my strength and my song. Thank you for loving me in all my weakness.